Having spent more than 25 years working with families, I've noticed that successful parents tend to make a lot of the same good decisions. Here are ten smart choices that I've seen moms and dads make:
1) When their children are little, smart parents remember that it takes a lot of practice for the children to learn a new concept. They remain patient.
2) They are also consistent. They let their "yes" mean yes and their "no" mean no. Remember that allowing a child to turn your "no" into a "yes" just limits your authority and turns them into negotiators.
3) Smart parents model the right way to do things. They avoid merely telling their children what they are doing wrong.
4) These parents also encourage their children to make choices that are appropriate for their ages. “Do you want the yellow glass or the red glass?” “Do you want to eat Cheerios or Rice Krispies?” “Do you want to wear your jacket or not?” “Would you like dad to buckle you in your car seat or mom?” You get the idea.
5) Effective parents are kind and firm at the same time. Making a child feel bad generally doesn’t make them want to do better. When was the last time that a discouraging word made you want to do better?
6) They recognize that their words have real power. Words can either build your kids up or tear them down. Smart parents practice using their words wisely.
7) Good parents remember that all kids misbehave. Children learn by trial and error. Their parents have a plan for what they will do before the misbehavior occurs. Then they act without lecturing. “I see all of you decided to play by yourselves in your rooms until you all treat each other kindly. Let me know when you have decided you want to play with each other.”
8) Good parents invite cooperation by making it a value for the whole family. “In our house we all help each other.” “Thank you for helping.”
9) A wise parent both tells and shows their children every day how much they love them and how important they are to them.
10) They know that discipline means they are making a "disciple," someone who follows. The best parents discipline their kids with appropriate consequences for misbehavior. The consequences are Reasonable (i.e., age appropriate); Respectful to the child, to the parent, and to the rest of the family; and Related to what the child did wrong. If any of the three “R’s” are missing, the discipline probably won't make sense to the child. That's when a parent punishes without teaching. The goal is for the children to learn from their misdeeds. When parents punish without teaching, their children can become resentful or learn to do things behind the parents' backs. A smart parent's goal is to instill great character in their kids whether the parent is in the room or not.
Annette Spangler is the Director of Parenting Ministries at Bayside Church in Granite Bay, California. She has over 25 years experience loving, mentoring, and learning from parents. For more information, please email Annette at annettes@baysideonline.com.
